Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
