my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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