Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
