some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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