I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
