and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
