dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
