pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
