i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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