No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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