Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
