Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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