the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
