I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Damn victory sex feels great
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
