I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
