were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
