I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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