You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
