Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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