you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Are we still banned from the library?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
