conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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