My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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