Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
