6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
