I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
