Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
