Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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