This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
