I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
