Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
