Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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