That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
