I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
