If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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