Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My penis needs a shock collar
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
