i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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