my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
