The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
