1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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