So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
handjob tips. give me some.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
