how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
