evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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