Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
