And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Mom said you looked used
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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