Can i not drive my cunt home
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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