yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize