A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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