Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
