i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got inside last night via doggy door
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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