Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
