Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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