I molested 6 butterflies tonight
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
