I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to fling myself into the sun
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
