Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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