is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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