I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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