yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
