I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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