You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
