I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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