Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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