I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
