loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
