Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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