We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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