Sober January is a disaster.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
false alarm, still single
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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