My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize