like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
